i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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