that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
