YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
