WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize