He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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