do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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