ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
