We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Semen is not good for contacts.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
