I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
