So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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