I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
