The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We have so much sex to catch up on
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
