Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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