You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm really busy with my period
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize