Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I touched a dick in church today
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
