i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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