whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
