its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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