I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
