Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
