When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
