That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
