the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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