well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize