Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
