I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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