Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
