So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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