Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
