he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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