Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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