it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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