the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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