Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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