it was like his penis was on wheels.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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