remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
