wanna go halves on a baby?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
