im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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