i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
