you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
