Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
