guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
