Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
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