My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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