will power is for people who don't want to get laid
operation harelip BJ is a go
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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