I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
