I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
