i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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