So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
