Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
