You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
