Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
