I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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