Umm I'm too high to move.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
