I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
