I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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