I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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