I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
