everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
