i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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