So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
