billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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