you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
