Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
