I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
