I need to stop coming to work sober
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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