it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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