I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
