i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
