how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
