i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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