so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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