did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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