Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
