so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
