Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
