told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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