So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
