I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
