Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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