On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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