I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
