If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize