just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
