Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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