"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
