Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
